Slowing down...

A consistent theme in many of your letters was a gentle nudge to slow down, cherish moments, "veg out," get lost in a novel, play.... thank you; you know me!  These are difficult things for me, but they hold such life.

Claire has reached a point in her understanding, or perhaps just her vocabulary, to express her understanding of who God is, what she thinks about him, and what he thinks of her.  A few mornings ago, I laughed as she said in one continuous sentence: "Mommy you know that Jesus loves us the most, but sometimes birds fly in Costco, and that's silly."  Seemingly unrelated thoughts running together seamlessly in her sweet little brain.  I chuckled to myself, but later was struck by the beauty of the thing.  God's love for us should proceed every other thought we have.  After all, He is in all, and all things were made by Him and for Him.  For Claire, God's love is is often a side note, a prerequisite, an assumption to go along with and filter everything else she thinks or touches or experiences.  Isn't this exactly as it should be?  Oh, to have child-like faith!  To simply let God's love color and filter our words, our actions, our thoughts.

When Claire sees  something new or exceptionally beautiful, she says "Wow, mommy, did God make that too?"  What a joy to be reminded, and to proclaim "Why, yes, he sure did!  Isn't he creative?!  Isn't he awesome?!" and to hear her enthusiastic "Yeah!"

It is so natural for kids to slow down and take in moments....


It has been fun to deflect some of Claire's questions and woes to God as she begins to understand more, and to encourage her to communicate directly with him about the things we can't control - the weather, traffic jams, sickness, etc.  It is precious to see her process "Is God making it rain?  But I wanted to go outside!"  As she stomps her foot, and says "Why is God making it rain?" I think of all the things I am stomping my foot about, and I remind Claire and my own heart that God really does know best.

I was confessing to Mike a few days ago, that there will be quite a few "30th year challenges" that I will not complete by July 4.  You all know me well enough to know that my being ok with that is actually an enormous success!  God is working through your words and is drawing out the critical lessons for this year and I will carry other challenges into next year with great joy, as I continue to chip away at them.

The Gift of Gratitude

I have woken many mornings to the sound of my alarm clock piercing the night...or at least that's how it seems.  Despite the lack of sunlight, the reality sets in that it is time to face the day.  Tired before I begin, flailing for a splash of cold water to the face, and a cup of hot coffee to my lips.  All is well in my life and family: healthy bodies, happy marriage, food on the table, jobs, a house, cars and a two-car garage.  I can easily count high my blessings, but on these days something else takes over me.  I joke that coffee is my lifeblood, and occasionally worry that it's true.  The long list of 'to do's' wraps me tightly in it's grip, a gnawing self-doubt in my gut, the deep dread of another day of failure.  Failure to meet a self-imposed standard of perfection.  I add the unfinished 'to do's' to tomorrow's list, making it even more unmanageable.  I crawl into bed, grateful for the respite, fight anxiety as I toss and turn, and I remember my God.  He meets me in my frenzy and reminds me of my identity and worth.  I accept and forgive my "failure" and fall asleep well-intentioned that tomorrow will be different, more intentioned and meaningful and eternal; less hurried and more present and pure.  I'll make a shorter list, have my quiet time first, do something for myself, take a nap. But the alarm clock sounds, like a starting-line gunshot, and the race and impending failure begin again.   I know there has to be more.  I have woken many days this way.  

A dear friend challenged me to record a joy at the end of each day, a gift, something I'm grateful for.  Soon after I began, I sensed the transformation that could come from a heart of gratitude.  Even for a moment, I reflected differently on the things I had done, the people I'd seen, the beauty I'd encountered.  It became more and more difficult to choose a favorite.  The list of gifts from the day overwhelmed me.  Even though I continued to wake forgetting each morning, I remembered on most evenings, and each time my heart swelled with wonder.  How many gifts from the Lord had I missed?  How many was I missing all day long?  How great is my God that in my stopping, even for a moment, to record my favorite thing of my day, that my heart nearly bursts from my chest?  I attempt to capture in a few words His unbridled pursuit of my heart, and I cannot.  How majestic is He who woos me all day with cardinals on my deck, charmed giggles of toddlers, a twinkle in my husband's eye, and even a traffic jam that gives me a moment to breathe?  Soon after I began this journey of gratitude, slow and broken as it has been, a good friend recommended to me a book that I'm sure many of you have read:  One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  It captured me, enthralled me, as I got to peer into the author's life and see her story of moment-by-moment notice of God's gifts.  She has discovered a way to be grateful for God's constant pursuit, in all circumstances, and it has transformed her life.  I long for her wisdom, discipline, consistency.  But I'm thankful to have tasted gratitude in a new way - in a way that changes my whole day.  I still wake up in a frenzy on more days than not, but God is pursuing my heart and summoning me to take respite in him while I work, mother, pursue, relate, train, launder, clean, drive, struggle.  Though I am far from mastering the skill, it has been a sweet exercise to reflect on my day and remember to be thankful.  The journey has renewed my eyes to see where the Lord is moving in and around me, and the amazing things he is doing all the time.  

Back at it...

Dear friends,

I am so grateful for each of you.  Though a LONG time has passed since I created this blog, without a single post, your challenges and wise words to me on my birthday have been transforming my days.  I’m trying to be careful not to let your the list loom over me as a “to-do” list, and instead let your words penetrate my heart, and let God guide me as I respond.  I have been finding great joy in re-reading your letters, and letting God move in me through your words.  Thank you!  The journey thus far has been a little different than I pictured.  I thought I would complete one challenge at a time, and post an update.  What is happening instead is that many of your challenges are working their way into my day-to-day, and I’m finding myself working on and processing a lot of them at the same time.  I long for the words to express what it has meant to me.  The last few years of my life have been filled with so many blessings, but also with loneliness.  God has met me in such a real way through your letters, and I have been reminded of the countless friendships I have all over the world, of how I am known and loved, and I have been encouraged and spurred on.   I’m going to start posting an update a week.  I’ll catch you up on some of the things I’ve already checked off the list, one at a time.  I am super excited about this next part of the journey!  Thank you love and friendship.

My Best Year Yet...

Dearest friends and family,
If you were invited to follow this blog, you were a part of giving me one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received!  Thank you!  Each of you were asked by my dear husband to write me a letter for my birthday, and include a challenge for me to complete before I turn 30.  Mike placed each of your letters in a beautiful album, and I will cherish it always.  Each and every one of your letters is a treasure.  Each one has already blessed my heart deeply, and I feel confident that they will play a role in making my 30th year an amazing one!  I have taken my time carefully reading each of your beautiful letters over the last couple of weeks, and I am overwhelmed by your love and encouragement.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
One of your challenges to me was to start a blog so all of you can follow me as I complete each challenge over the next year, so I thought that might be an appropriate one to start with!  I've already gotten started on a few others, and I'll post more about them soon.   
The list is below.  Some of you gave me the same of similar challenges, so here is my best summary.  I am SO excited to embark on this great adventure this year!  Thank you for encouraging me towards Christ and being more of who God made me to be.  
Some of your challenges were words of wisdom, and reminders for how I should live day-by-day.  I have typed up your words and I am going to hang them on the wall in my bedroom, as a constant reminder of how I want to live this year, and of the amazing friendships God has blessed me with, so if you don't see your words below, they are on my wall!  I loved seeing a few of the same challenges from multiple friends, and it affirms to me that God has a plan for these things in my life:  Three of you challenged me to complete a triathlon.  Three of you encouraged me to memorize an entire book (or chapter) of the Bible.  Two of you asked me to record myself singing.  FIVE of you told me to slow down and take time for myself.  I'll post updates periodically, as I work on or complete these challenges.  I also want you all to know that I am trying not to add these to my "to do" list because, as most of you know, there are already too many things on it.  I'm trying to just be prayerful about this list let these things help me reorganize priorities and make myself and my personal relationship with the Lord a priority each day this year.  I'd love your prayer for me as I embark on this adventure!  Thank you for your constant love, support and friendship.  I am so grateful for each of you!

Complete a triathlon

Sign up for a fitness challenge I’m not sure I can do (another marathon, long triathlon, etc)

Sign up for, and take a divinity course

Thank the Lord for three things every day, including myself!

Record myself singing “How Great Thou Art”

Skydiving or bungee jumping (we’ll see!)

Look for ways to do things or invent time where my passions overlap

Start a blog for all of your challenges (DONE!)

Splash around like a kid in the Neptune Fountain on the Plaza and take pictures

Make time weekly to do things just for myself

Memorize my favorite book of scripture and meditate on it daily

List something that brings joy to me each day

Go deeper with people:  Aim for 30 people...10 friends, 10 acquaintances, 10 people you’ve never spoken to

Read back through all of your journals and remember my Ebenezers

Join/start a girls’ group.

Remain a child.  Read and reflect on The Little Prince.

Meditate on Matthew 18: 1-14 as often as you feel led

Find a “signature dish” with Mike

Record myself singing a lullaby or other song for my kids.

Write a letter with something special and set aside for my kids in a safe deposit box.

Pray for a life-long friend for Claire.

Zone out.  Lose yourself in a book (non-fiction).

Go out and dance the night away twice in KC.